Oh look! I has Internets! How nice.

Well, just finished our third Verizon T1 outage in the last month... Each time the connection has gone down between 4pm and 6pm, and not come back up until some time the following morning. Quite impressive... Meanwhile, not a hiccup from $50/month AT&T DSL line at the other office.

Further reflection on the Verizon Business Checkbook Credit

I think this is one of those rare instances where a small business has an advantage over a large, or even medium business.

Think about it.

You've got a company of, say, 50 employees. The controller/COO/VP ops/whomever signs a contract. Payables gets a copy of it and references it when the first bill comes in. VP, probably not going to concern himself with riding herd on a vendor for three months over $50. Payables? Probably too overworked to make more than a passing note of it.

*Maybe*, 3 months later they think to call and complain when they don't get their credit. So they get stonewalled.

By the five month point? Nobody's gonna remember that shit. Probably somebody has come or gone in one position or another. This bill's the same as last month? Pay it.

Unless your company is really watching every penny, and/or the people paying the bills have a personal stake in the corporate finances, Verizon Business is gonna gitcha!

I wonder just how much they make on this in a year?

Have to see if there's an "Income Derived from Grifting" line on their Annual Report...

So does anyone know if the Francis Shammo at 12 Monica Court in Branchburg, NJ is the same as the Francis Shammo who acts as President of the Verizon Business unit? Or maybe a son or something? Doesn't seem like a common name, but it also doesn't look like a bigwig's pad on Google Maps...

"Checkbook credit"

So our quote included a "checkbook credit". I asked a bunch of times and never really got a good explanation for exactly what it is, but it essentially allows VZN to give a lower quote than you'll actually be paying, with the promise that you'll get some of it back eventually without interest. Specifically "in the third month following the effective date" of the contract. Ok.

So, service starts in March, come May I get a bill for March, April, May, and June (service months #1, 2, 3, and 4), and look, no credit. I call (this being prior to, and of course support for, the written-communication-only policy).

I get some excuse about how the "third month" is actually the "third monthly invoice", so I won't be seeing a credit until I get an invoice in July (which, for those keeping track at home, will be covering my sixth month of service).

We get to explain to our corporate office why the service still costs 10% more than the quoted price. Yay.

So come July, still no credit! What a surprise. Honestly, I'm lucky the shock didn't stop my heart.

So, on Tuesday we open up ticket #6 (keeping in mind, I've barely had online account access for a month).

Thursday I get an email telling me that someone has "taken ownership" of the problem.

Friday, I get an email telling me that the new owner has decided that it's an account setup problem, not a billing problem, so my ticket is resolved.

Whaaaaaaaat?

Boy, I just can't wait until it's time to fight to get our deposit back from these guys...

Current status:
Verizon email folder: 123 items
Days remaining in contract: 251

Fine.

Fine. You win, assholes. I've changed my fucking phone number.

Now I'm off to tell my friends and family that I've got a new phone number, because it was the only way I could get fucking Verizon to stop harassing me about a bill for something that I wasn't supposed to be charged for.

Congratulations.

And incidentally, "The New AT&T" can also suck a dick for refusing to block a phone number unless you pay ANOTHER $5/month for "parental controls".

Damnit

They're calling again. This is at least the third time they've called and left 10-15 seconds of silence on my voicemail. WTF?

What have I done to deserve this?

I can't recall desecrating any temples lately.

Is it all the coveting? I've been trying to cut back...

Keyword recognition: Fail.

So, in light of my love note from Collections, I sent in the following request:
**
I have received a collections letter dated 6/22/09, signed by Sylvester Jones.

It says that a past due balance of $1131.30 must be received by 7/2 or payment will be suspended.

The June bill (half of that past due amount) was paid via credit card on 6/20, as was the July invoice.

The below email was sent 6/12, confirming that the erroneous $500 equipment charge would finally be removed.

All of which means that as of 6/22, our total OPEN balance should have been the disputed invoice and shipping charges totaling less than $30.

This is very, very tiresome.
**

I submitted that around 8pm on a Thursday. 2 AM the following Tuesday, I finally get a response-

**

I have been assigned to work on ticket 1-1825855437 for a request to cancel charges for paper media. Based on my findings I have found out that your account has been enrolled to e-billing as of 6-15-2009. Therefore paper billing will be removed within 1 to 2 biling cycle. This ticket is now subject for closure.

**

I can only guess that because I'd already opened two tickets in two months regarding the paper invoice charges, they just assumed that this one was for the same thing.

**

On the plus side, my internets are still working... for the moment...

The internet

Is a wacky thing.
Megacorp executives, being all rich an' shit, do not make their personal information available in the White Pages.

But, if they're laying down $1000 maximum campaign contributions to their favorite de-regulatin', monopoly-favorin' politicos, it becomes public record, and websites like the Huffington Post will give you a map to their home(s).

Would showing up on a division President's doorstep on a Sunday morning with a three-inch stack of email printouts and phone records start enough shit rolling downhill to fix three months of stupid problems and arguing?

Would somebody finally be forced to apologize and admit that they thoroughly and repeatedly fucked up what should have been a very simple business transaction?

Or, in fine Monty Burns fashion, will they simply have their staff turn loose the dogs?

I freakin' hate dogs :(

sigh

Well, after 2 days with no calls i got foolishly optimistic... then today, another call.

But wait- it gets better!

Yesterday I got a collections notice. Bad dave, right?
It was dated 6/22.
It was demanding payment for two things- the bogus equipment charge, which I was notified on 6/12 that I'd be receiving a credit for, and the June service which had been paid on 6/20. (mind you, June isn't even over yet, and this is a company that takes six weeks to link a login to a customer record)

Good work, guys. Honestly, I kinda wish their collections department were in charge of everything, because they have been on me like stink on shit since the first bogus invoice crossed the 30-day threshold... everything else Verizon does involves multiple 7-10-business-day waiting periods.

So, yet another ticket open... Honestly, I'm almost hoping they carry through with the threat to suspend service on 7/2. Settling this in court is starting to look like an attractive option compared to arguing with them every single day for months on end.

Speaking of which, my "Verizon Hell" email folder is now up to 119 items for our 94 days of service. Unfortunately I haven't been counting phone calls, but I would estimate it's around a dozen between my wife and I just trying to get the billing straight. Not counting the 14 times they've called me that I haven't answered.

So, if you're considering Verizon Business service, make sure that you can dedicate at least a part-time staff member to dealing with their billing and collections department. This is for a single Verizon T-1 internet, mind you... I can't even imagine what sort of things they can do with something like Verizon long distance service, where the bill is actually different from one month to the next...

271 days to go, and counting.

A banner day!

Well, yesterday was my first weekday without a Verizon call in at least 2 weeks. There was a mysterious "unknown number" call right around dinnertime, but maybe some progress is finally being made! I have to say, when the number showed up on Monday after making an online request, changing my phone message to berate them, and even removing my number from the account information I was really losing hope...

Another phone call today... they seem to alternate mornings and afternoons.

Unfortunately, Cingular states that they will not block any calls inbound to your cell phone. You pay them $70/month, and they'll make sure that anyone who wants to bother you has the inalienable right to do so. Damnit, I hate making idle threats.

So, I've gone ahead and changed my contact number to their call center ID, we'll see if that works... otherwise I'll have to change my damn cell number to get these clowns off my back. Yet another item to consider if you're ever stuck dealing with Verizon Business- use a disposable prepaid phone. Rule #1, of course, is to get EVERYTHING in writing when dealing with Verizon Business. You'll still have to fight like hell to get them to keep their promises, but at least you'll have something on your side.

278 days to go...

The tipping point

So yesterday I hit the tipping point, which led me to start this blog.

Background: Our contract says that the hardware for our account (referred to as CPE, or Customer Premises Equipment) is to be free. It takes them four pages to say it, but the equipment and installation were to be free.

So, naturally, the first correspondence I receive from them, on April 10th, is a bill for the hardware, plus shipping, plus taxes and fees, plus an $8 "paper invoice fee", plus a tax on that (!)- all told, bringing the $460 router well north of $500. I call (twice) and am told that the charges will be refunded on my third invoice. I give up, and ignore the bill.

So, June 2nd rolls around, and the phone calls start (see previous entry)- my friends in the Collections department. I ignore the first call or two, since they don't leave a message and I don't answer random numbers. I finally get a message, and call to find out that they're harassing me over this shit.

So, I make it clear that "free" does not mean "loan Verizon five bills for an unspecified period of time", and they open a ticket to get the charge refunded.

The following day, I get a message that the cost for the router will be refunded. Good.

BUT, I will still be responsible for the shipping charge, the paper invoice charge, and applicable taxes. Bad.

Now, I've run billing for my company for 9 years now, about $4-5 million a week in retail sales. Silly me, if I billed a $7000/yr account for an extra $500 in direct violation of their contract, I'd apologize.

Not Verizon! No sir. Not even a rote corporate "we apologize... inconvenience... blahblah".

Instead, they're busting my ass over an $8 charge that they levied to send me an invoice for equipment that was supposed to be free.

As a wise man (or anthromorphic rabbit) once said "Of course you know, this means war!"

Email!

My "Verizon T1 Ordeal" mailbox contains over 110 messages now! To celebrate, I'd like to revisit an old favorite.

This was sent out on 2/26/09, although it wasn't until I re-sent it on 2/27, with a copy to the Vice President listed below, that anyone actually responded.

If you are also experiencing problems with Verizon Business and would like his email address, contact me. :)

****

"In light of the phone call I received this afternoon questioning the whereabouts of our deposit check, I submit the following time line and response.

2/9/09 (Monday)- signed contract submitted to Bilal via email.

2/16/09 (Monday)- One week later, I am contacted by Gregory Farrell to confirm the information on our order. My response sent same day

2/17/09 (Tuesday)- Eight days after submitting the signed agreement, Iam notified that there is a credit/deposit requirement, which needs to be paid by check or wire transfer only.

2/18/09 (Wednesday)- 12 PM. I am notified by Bilal that Verizon "could also use a bank statement instead of the deposit."

2/18/09 (Wednesday)- 2 PM. I respond to Bilal asking for clarification.

Somewhere in this timeframe I receive a letter in the mail from "Ron Zimmermann, Vice President Customer Financial Services, Verizon", requesting a check for $460 for the deposit on our new service. It gives a due date of 3/9/09.

2/20/09 (Friday)- 11 AM. Two days after my inquiry, I get a response from Bilal notifying me that in fact, a bank statement will NOT be sufficient. Eleven days have now passed since we submitted the agreement.

2/21/09 (Saturday)- We mail the check out in the remittance envelope included with the letter above.

2/23/09 (Monday)- I get a call from Bilal, offering to process the deposit immediately via bank ACH if we provide the check information. I decline, since the check is already in the mail and we do not want to double-pay.

2/26/09 (Thursday, this afternoon)- I receive a phone call, from someone whose name I did not catch, letting me know that it's now been OVER THREE WHOLE BUSINESS DAYS since I "said" I mailed the check, and it must be received immediately or we will not receive the promotional pricing listed on our agreement.

I explain we mailed it to the address on the bill, which is not currently in my possession, and I cannot be held responsible for the mail. The fact that we received a bill at all comes as a complete surprise. (confirming my assumption that, had we provided information for a bank draft, we would have been double-charged rather than having the check returned un-deposited).

Since I now have access to the letter, I wanted to clarify the matter.The only address on the letter is:

Verizon, 13143 Collections Center Dr. Chicago, IL 60693

I hope this helps you locate the check in a timely manner, since speed is obviously of the utmost importance to your organization."

Sincerely,

I'm tired of hearing from Verizon. As of yesterday, they'd called my cell phone 8 times in 11 business days. I never answer it, but they keep calling (caller ID- I loves it!)

So, yesterday I told one of the customer service reps I'm dealing with that I will only deal with them via email, so they should stop calling. On the wild, crazy possibility that my request might be ignored, I changed my voicemail prompt:


If you are calling from Verizon, you will need to contact me via email. Verizon, collectively speaking, are incompetent, dishonest, and operate with a level of integrity usually reserved for cheap swindlers hawking trash on late-night television, while displaying the sort of attention to customer service usually found only in government offices. Since Verizon has shown that even written agreements are honored only grudgingly and after a protracted fight, no verbal communication will be accepted.

For everyone else, please leave a message after the tone.

***

So far I'll call it a partial success- when they called this morning, I did not get the usual "please call Verizon about your account" message, they just hung up.

A late introduction

Almost a year into this mess, aggravation has finally hit critical mass. My wife is tired of hearing about it, my coworkers are tired of hearing about it, my family is tired of hearing about it, people who ask "How are ya' doin?" at the grocery store are tired of hearing about it.

So to fill in:

In August 2008 I gave up on ever getting affordable, reliable high-speed Internet in my rural homestead, and started dealing with Verizon. In retrospect, I should have used tin cans and string, but hindsight is always 20/20.

By January 2009 we were finally making headway on getting something installed, and by the end of March, on our third sales rep, we finally had connectivity. By the second week of April we'd received our first incorrect invoice. And so, as a wise man once said, the bullshit goes on...